Completely Meaningless (but fun) Statistics After 2 Weeks of Football

By Charlie Scaturro

Source: Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images North America

As anyone who knows anything about the NFL will tell you, two weeks of football is too small of a sample size to draw any wide-ranging conclusions. However, seeing as I have extremely limited time and it’s fun to overreact about statistics that might mean absolutely nothing, I figured I would dig up as many early season numbers as I could and cryptically post them. Maybe these stats are a sign of things to come, maybe they’re simply the product of us being two weeks into the season, but here goes nothing ( If you’re getting a “60 percent of the time, it works every time” vibe from some of these, that’s intentional):

- Michael Turner has 3 more carries that have gone for 5+ yards than times he’s been arrested for DUI since Week 1

Fantasy Units: 2. Individual Leagues: 0.

If you play in a normal fantasy league, there are very good odds that you were none too pleased with the San Diego Chargers this past weekend. Three receiving touchdowns, two rushing touchdowns, and none of them scored by a guy who was owned in more than 0.2% of leagues. It must have been frustrating to handcuff Curtis Brinkley or Le’Ron McClain to Ryan Mathews only to watch Jackie Battle steal the show; or to find out moments before the game that Antonio Gates would not be playing, and then rush to the waiver wire to pick up the Chargers #2 TE before the Chargers #3 TE scored 3 TDs.

Hockey Season Anyone?

This article was written by a close friend of mine - Keith Gideon. He has pointed out on multiple occasions that our web site has been severely lacking in hockey coverage, so I challenged him to write something for us to post, since Charlie and I are about as interested in hockey as, well, most of America. Here's what he came up with. If there actually is an NHL season, we just might make him an occasional contributor. - Kerrance James

Wednesday Recap

     By Kerrance James

- In the college realignment that will never end, Notre Dame has agreed to join the ACC for all sports except football, possibly as soon as the summer of 2014. In lieu of joining a new conference in football, Notre Dame will remain Independent, but are petitioning to change their nickname from the Fighting Irish to the Laissez-Faire Swiss.

- Recognizing that UConn is ineligible for the post-season this year and that Notre Dame’s move means there may not be a Big East in 2 years, Jim Calhoun chose to end his career as a head coach at Connecticut. Upon hearing the news, Dick Vitale cried for several hours, and Lou Holtz began pleading with ESPN executives to hire Calhoun as a “collish bashketball analysh” so he would no longer be the most difficult person at the network to understand.

The “Elite Quarterback Trap” and Why the Giants Need to Avoid Falling Into it

By Charlie Scaturro

Source: Al Bello/Getty Images North America

It’s the reason why Peyton Manning only has one Super Bowl ring despite being one of the best quarterbacks in NFL history. It’s the reason why Tom Brady hasn’t won one since 2005 despite the fact that the Patriots have consistently been one of the best teams in the NFL for close to a decade. It’s the reason why Aaron Rodgers and Drew Brees didn’t even reach the NFC Championship Game last year despite posting two of the most impressive statistical seasons by quarterbacks in NFL history. It’s what I’m calling the “Elite Quarterback Trap” and it’s why the Giants might have a disappointing 2012 season.

Is Eli Manning on the same level as the aforementioned quarterbacks? For all of his postseason success and Toyota commercials, it doesn’t seem likely that many would take the younger Manning over any of the quarterbacks mentioned above (with the exception of Peyton if you’re not buying his impressive debut against the Steelers and surgically fused neck). Even if he’s not quite in the stratosphere of guys like Brady, Brees, and Rodgers, Eli has proven that the Giants can lean heavily on him to win games when all else fails.

Tuesday Recap

- For the second consecutive day, the Oakland A’s beat the Los Angeles Angels in Anaheim, this time by a score of 6-5. Despite going 3 for 4 and increasing his league leading batting average to .332, Angels manager Mike Scioscia held Mike Trout solely responsible for the loss. “We’ve come to expect more from him,” lamented a dejected Scioscia. “When Trouty makes an out, our chances of winning drastically decrease. And he didn’t even homer tonight either. I don’t know what I’ve done to upset him, but this display of defiance is simply uncalled for.”

Monday Recap

- Following up on his Olympic gold medal, Andy Murray won the US Open to claim his first Grand Slam title on Monday with a 5-set win over Novak Djokovic. Having nearly given up hope of winning one of the 4 major tennis tournaments, Murray prepped for the US Open by eating at Denny’s every day for a month, angrily ordering the Grand Slam over and over.

Continuing the Case for Fantasy Units

Your Honor, the prosecution would like to call a few key witnesses to the stand.

Alfred Morris, are you aware that you were a 6th round draft pick from a school that went 1-11 last season? And that you were 4th on the Redskins depth chart as recently as 10 days ago? Just who the hell do you think you are?

Jeremy Kerley, did you know that you scored more touchdowns in the first 18 minutes of this season than you scored in the entire 2011 season? You weren’t even a top 100 WR in fantasy drafts this year! How do you respond?

Weekend Recap

- After allowing 5 earned runs in 3 lackluster innings of work on Friday, Davey Johnson made the decision on Saturday to shut down Stephen Strasburg for the remainder of the 2012 season. In protest, Strasburg threw a 2-seamer into the clouds, resulting in a torrential downpour.

- In his first game since tearing his ACL near the end of last season, Adrian Peterson ran for 2 touchdowns to help carry the Vikings to an overtime win over the Jaguars. During the post-game press conference, Washington Nationals GM Mike Rizzo burst into the room, wildly declaring that the Vikings should limit Peterson to 160 touches this season, no matter where they are in the standings when he reaches that point. A potential "incident" was avoided when Rizzo was subdued with a tranquilizer dart.

Fantasy Unit Draft Recap

The first ever team unit draft is in the books. It took 14 of us 9 calendar days to finish the 9 rounds, but we fought through the weddings, holidays, and laziness to get our teams set in time for the Cowboys/Giants kickoff. Here’s a brief round-by-round recap of what transpired. Please note that D, K, P, and R represent Defense, Kicking, Passing, and Rushing, respectively. If you need a reminder of what the hell we’re talking about, here's the original article I posted a month ago outlining my idea on how to revolutionize fantasy football.