Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Monday Recap

- Following up on his Olympic gold medal, Andy Murray won the US Open to claim his first Grand Slam title on Monday with a 5-set win over Novak Djokovic. Having nearly given up hope of winning one of the 4 major tennis tournaments, Murray prepped for the US Open by eating at Denny’s every day for a month, angrily ordering the Grand Slam over and over.

- Joe Flacco threw for 2 TD, Ray Rice ran for 2 TD, and Ed Reed scored his 13th career TD in a 44-13 romp over the Cincinnati Bengals. When asked why he chose to use both of his challenges during the national anthem, Marvin Lewis went on a 9 minute tirade, culminating in threats to sue the Baltimore Ravens for “aggravated assault,” and that his “team of lawyers that has never fumbled a case.” BenJarvus Green-Ellis’s agent later told reporters that this isn’t the first time Lewis has failed to understand that his client’s nickname does not constitute paralegal experience.

- In the second Monday night game, Carson Palmer and Philip Rivers managed to attempt 79 passes without an interception, while Nate Kaeding kicked 5 field goals en route to a Chargers 22-14 win over the Oakland Raiders. The NFL is offering $1,000 to anyone on the East Coast who can definitively prove they stayed awake for the entire game.

- Jose Quintana held the Detroit Tigers to 1 run over 7.2 IP as the White Sox extended their lead in the AL Central to 3 games. Elsewhere, the Minnesota Twins valiantly battled against the Cleveland Indians to gain a share of 4th place in the AL Central. Both managers expressed a desire to remind hometown fans that they have more than just a terrible football franchise to be depressed about.

- Jarrod Parker shut down the Los Angeles Mike Trouts as the Oakland A’s improved to 20 games over .500 and padded their slim lead in the AL Wild Card race. You can find the punch line for this joke here: http://content.usatoday.com/sportsdata/baseball/mlb/salaries/team

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