Weekend Recap

- After allowing 5 earned runs in 3 lackluster innings of work on Friday, Davey Johnson made the decision on Saturday to shut down Stephen Strasburg for the remainder of the 2012 season. In protest, Strasburg threw a 2-seamer into the clouds, resulting in a torrential downpour.

- In his first game since tearing his ACL near the end of last season, Adrian Peterson ran for 2 touchdowns to help carry the Vikings to an overtime win over the Jaguars. During the post-game press conference, Washington Nationals GM Mike Rizzo burst into the room, wildly declaring that the Vikings should limit Peterson to 160 touches this season, no matter where they are in the standings when he reaches that point. A potential "incident" was avoided when Rizzo was subdued with a tranquilizer dart.



- Not to be outdone, Peyton Manning returned to the field after an absence of nearly 2 years, threw his 400th career touchdown pass, and led the Denver Broncos to a 31-19 win over the Pittsburgh Steelers on Sunday night. When asked how it felt to be back and how his neck was feeling, Manning spent an unusual amount of time talking about his favorite tapenade recipes.

- BJ Upton hit 3 home runs and James Shields shut out the Texas Rangers to keep the Tampa Bay Rays 1 game out of the AL Wild Card race. Joe Maddon reportedly spent the entirety of the game tweeting the AL East standings to Bobby Valentine 1 character at a time.

- In the shocker of the week, Robert Griffin III and Alfred Morris combined for 458 yards to lead the Redskins to a 40-32 victory over the Saints. Bystanders reported spotting “a masked man with Roger Goodell’s build” fleeing from the stadium, leaving behind nothing but a heavily punctured Drew Brees voodoo doll.

- Despite being handed an early 7 point lead by Jay Cutler, Andrew Luck did not fare nearly as well in his NFL debut, throwing 3 interceptions as the Colts fell to the Bears 41-21. Luck told reporters after the game, “At least I completed more passes than Jay. That counts for something in my book.” This led many to question whether “that Stanford education” is as good as it once was.

- Following a dismal display of offense during the pre-season, the New York Jets exploded for 48 points in trouncing the Buffalo Bills. Ryan Fitzpatrick was upset with himself for throwing 3 interceptions, but even more upset for not having the foresight to draft Stephen Hill or Jeremy Kerley over Chris Johnson in his fantasy league. Fantasy owners nationwide lamented in his pain.