Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Tuesday Recap

- For the second consecutive day, the Oakland A’s beat the Los Angeles Angels in Anaheim, this time by a score of 6-5. Despite going 3 for 4 and increasing his league leading batting average to .332, Angels manager Mike Scioscia held Mike Trout solely responsible for the loss. “We’ve come to expect more from him,” lamented a dejected Scioscia. “When Trouty makes an out, our chances of winning drastically decrease. And he didn’t even homer tonight either. I don’t know what I’ve done to upset him, but this display of defiance is simply uncalled for.”

- Playing in front of an alleged 14,205 paid attendants, the Houston Astros beat the Chicago Cubs 1-0 to stay within 41 games of the NL Central leading Cincinnati Reds. Jordan Lyles and Justin Germano each pitched 5 solid innings, but the game winning run was scored by Astros September call-up: That Guy From Section 114. “After 6 weeks of toiling away in slow pitch softball, my hard work finally paid off,” said the Astros’ lone season ticket holder. “It just goes to show you where a little perseverance can take you.”

- Jon Lester walked 7 Yankee batters, but the Red Sox won 4-3 after scoring the game winning run in the bottom of the 9th. Elsewhere, JJ Hardy mashed 2 home runs and tallied 5 RBI as the Baltimore Orioles beat the Tampa Bay Rays 9-2 to reclaim a tie atop the AL East Standings. Reports of flying pigs and hell freezing over continue to increase.

- Herculez Gomez scored in the 55th minute as the US Men’s soccer team defeated Jamaica 1-0 in World Cup qualifying. Contrary to popular belief, USA did not just win the 2014 World Cup, but rather the win moves them closer to advancing from this current group of 4 teams to a group of 6 teams, from which 3 will have the opportunity to lose to Spain at some point in 2014. You may now resume not caring at all about soccer.

- From Lance Thomas’ suspicious jewelry purchase, to the suspicious traveling funds of the parents' Hansbrough, and now the suspicious exam results at Harvard, some of the NCAA’s most reputable schools have come under severe scrutiny. When asked if he had anything to do with the 125 Harvard undergrads “facing charges of academic dishonesty,” Jeremy Lin simply smiled, drained 7 three-pointers in the reporter’s face, and went back to his couch for a nap.

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