Wednesday Recap

     By Kerrance James

- In the college realignment that will never end, Notre Dame has agreed to join the ACC for all sports except football, possibly as soon as the summer of 2014. In lieu of joining a new conference in football, Notre Dame will remain Independent, but are petitioning to change their nickname from the Fighting Irish to the Laissez-Faire Swiss.

- Recognizing that UConn is ineligible for the post-season this year and that Notre Dame’s move means there may not be a Big East in 2 years, Jim Calhoun chose to end his career as a head coach at Connecticut. Upon hearing the news, Dick Vitale cried for several hours, and Lou Holtz began pleading with ESPN executives to hire Calhoun as a “collish bashketball analysh” so he would no longer be the most difficult person at the network to understand.

- MLB released its 2013 season schedule; the first year to feature interleague match-ups throughout the duration of the season, including an opening day tilt between the Los Angeles Angels and the Cincinnati Reds. All five managers in the NL East have voiced their complaint that the AL West is receiving an excessive number of days off under the guise of “vs. Houston.”

- Ryan Zimmerman and Ian Desmond each hit solo home runs and John Lannan pitched 5.2 scoreless innings to carry the Nationals to a 2-0 win over the New York Mets. The Nationals’ clubhouse was reveling in their sweep right up until Lannan took control of the music playlist, blasting Annie Get Your Gun’s “Anything You Can Do” while staring disturbingly at Stephen Strasburg.

- A Nate McLouth walk-off single gave the Baltimore Orioles a 3-2 win over the Rays, improving their record in 1 run games to 26-7 in the process, and keeping them in a tie atop the AL East standings with the New York Yankees. Sabermetricians nation-wide have been put on suicide watch after spending 2 months diligently but fruitlessly attempting to explain how in the hell the Orioles are doing this.

- AJ Griffin hurled 8 scoreless innings in leading the A’s to their 3rd consecutive win over the Los Angeles Angels, pushing themselves 5 games ahead of 3rd place in the AL Wild Card race. At $675,274.39 per win, the A’s pay $125,000 less per win than any other team, pay less than 25% of what the Boston Red Sox pay per win, and pay roughly $675,000 more per win than you’ve invested into the entire MLB season.